Monday, August 6, 2007

Harland Williams on Conan


I love him. You know, Harland Williams is so underrated in general. I remember my favorite bit on Conan (he's one of the best guests on Conan) was when Harland was accusing Conan of raping him with eyes. ("Quit undressing me with your eyes, Conan.. QUIT RAPING ME WITH YOUR EYES..") So good. It's funny because I was watching Half Baked AND Superstar the other day. Ugh, so good.

Here's another video of him on Conan (I couldn't find the eye rape one):

Michael Showalter's Ten Commandments...

...for making a great sandwich!


Above is the introduction for the Ten Commandments.

1. Bread is king. Bread is to sandwich what song is to band. Bread is to sandwich what shoe is to foot. Bread is to sandwich is what love is to life. Bread is king.

2. Mustard goes with everything. If you have two pieces of bread, mustard and anything else, you have a delicious sandwich. If anybody tells you it's the same thing as mayonnaise you can tell that person they are a liar and a fake and a fucking asshole because mustard goes with everything!

3. Nothing is off limits and everything is in play.

4. Toast it. Toast it. Toast the thing. Toast the motherfucking thing.

5. Pickle.

6. Sun dried tomatoes are total bullshit! When I said nothing is off limits and everything was in play I was not referring to sun dried tomatoes because sun dried tomatoes are off limits. (He went on to say they are shit and if he wanted to eat shit he'd go to the shit store.)

7. What is the missing link? You've made your sandwich, you've taking a bite - (to audience member) no it's rhetorical, you fuckin' dick. It's for you to decide. You need to be there in the moment. You've made your sandwich, you've taken a bite, something's missing, what is it? Start with mustard! Go down from there. Does it need more mustard? Ask questions of your sandwich. Settle for nothing less than perfect because you have an opportunity with your sandwich to make something that will last forever! No fucking one slice of cheese, one slice of bologna, suck it, fuck it - no! You have an opportunity to make something that will last for an eternity! Find the missing link!

8. (There is no number eight)

9. Have fun. Really, have fun. Have fun making your sandwich. Yeah, have fun! Because if making a sandwich isn't fun, then make something else, because making a sandwich is fucking fun! So if you can't have fun making a sandwich then make something fucking else!

10. I stopped recording after nine but I'm sure ten had something to do with mustard. Though, like number 8, I don't think there was a number 10. Really just the Eight Commandments of making a great sandwich.


I love him. And I love sandwiches.

The best 6th birthday party ever






The family was in Santa Barbara celebrating Maddox’s 6th birthday… army-style. Brad was seen with a helmet on while Angie and Zahara had paint smeared on their faces. It was a little boy’s paradise with military uniforms, dirt bikes, 4-wheelers and military-style tents.

Lucky little bastard.

A Young Martha Stewart?!






I seriously never would've guessed. Good for her.

MK on the set of new movie





Mary-Kate Olsen on the film set of 'The Wackness' in New York City. The actress was in makeup for about three hours where she had long braided hair extensions added to her head. She took many cigarette breaks, sneaking out on the edge of her dressing room trailer.
Her outfit on set makes her look even shorter and dwarfier.

Hermione's got a boyfriend






he teenagers were spotted hanging out in nightclubs and eating lobster with £90 bottles of champagne in an expensive seafront restaurant.

Emma Watson enjoyed a magical time on the French Riviera under the spell of handsome young rugby player Tom Ducker. Staff at their hotel, Chateau de la Chevre d'Or in Eze, near Nice – where suites with ocean views cost £385 a night – described Emma and Tom, who is also 17, as 'delightful guests'. A fellow diner said:
"They were knocking back the champagne and didn't stop laughing and joking. Emma was acting like a beautifully mannered young woman. Castel Plage is very sophisticated and the two of them looked in their element."

Blah blah blah, I hope she has VD.

Keira Knightley's nasty mouth





I personally believe that a person's mouth is one of the most important aspects in a pretty face. That, and a great jawline. But in any case, that is why I consider Keira Knightley as one of the ugliest cunts in hollywood.. her fucking mouth. And her stupid pout. Note how much better looking she is without it! Who is she kidding, seriously.

Ashley Olsen in Marie Claire September '07




The other photos weren't really worth posting.

Eva Green in Cannes in Voguke UK September '07


What a stunning lady.

Rashida Jones in Vanity Fair September '07


Love her. She's so gorgeous.

I think Tyra has never looked better





She was filming a commercial for her talk show and I think she looks great.

Dita Von Teese: The Face (Body?) of Frederick's of Hollywood


If the VS Angels represent the popular cheerleaders of lingerie - smiley, sweet, and popping bubblegum sex - then Dita is the sharply-nailed Goth girl who beckons the cynics, the misfits, and the outsiders into her corner.

Yes!